Remembering Margaret

I began writing this blog two days after she passed away – on Monday 18 November last year (2024) – by which time she had not returned to her home in Pokfulam for more than four months. She had been diagnosed with a cancer relapse and a tumor had developed in her brain which had severely affected her mobility. She was admitted into Queen Mary Hospital (QMH) on 17 July and was awaiting radiological and various treatment. Public hospitals were infamous for staff shortage these days and she quietly shared with us her discomfort. Two weeks later she was moved to Grantham Hospital with much improved conditions and which offered better personal care. Su and I visited her regularly bringing her more tasty food than what the wards offered and reading materials both of which she had enjoyed. Indeed, she had great appetite and was chatty most of the time. She stayed there for nearly two months. The family was awaiting the arrival of a maid before moving her back to home, but when the process was delayed, she took up temporary residence in an elderly home in Aberdeen, which offered good personal care and comfort. Late October, she was readmitted to QMH after complications developed, but went back to the Aberdeen home when her conditions stabilized. She was last admitted to QMH on 7 November with high fever. There was a false alarm a few days afterwards when nearly all the Wan’s gathered round her bed, but she regained enough strength until the last day, surrounded by her family and siblings in HK. She went peacefully.

Margaret was the eldest of the five siblings in the family. In the first chapter of my first memoir published in January 2021, I recorded the births of the first three in some details, based on an autobiographic manuscript of our Mum written in 1982. We three – Margaret, Anthony and I – were all born in Guangdong or Guangzhou, and the then family of five moved to Hong Kong towards the end of 1947, which would make Margaret in the early 80ish though she had always gone by her declared or Id birthdate which registered her as below 80 when she left us.

The first born in a Chinese family, particularly a daughter, always carries great responsibilities, from sharing house chores and taking care of the siblings. My early recollection had us, her three younger brothers, following her to play or while away the time, often at the open grounds around the village church compound. The Holy Cross Church in the late 50s and early 60s was probably the landmark building in the Holy Cross Path Village which name itself it was said had taken from the Church itself. There were a few very tall trees around which we often ran and played hide and seek. Margaret would lead us in games which cost next to nothing with impromptu props, such as stones and pebbles. We had a favourite game based on five pieces of small stones. At the basic level, the player would place all five on the ground, pick up one, throw it upwards, grab the rest of the four and catch the one thrown up in the hand before it touches the ground. At the expert level, the opponent would spread the five pieces a bit apart so that the player would need more time to pick up the rest of the four pieces before the first touches the ground. We also had other games using paper cards, sticks, and marbles.

In the summer months, I recall we followed her to the swimming pool in what is now Tai Koo Shing. Apparently, she was a good swimmer, and I recall she won some trophies in inter-school or maybe open swimming competition. She had also joined the St John Ambulance Brigade as a cadet and had photos taken in some smart uniforms. She could have represented her school or the Brigade in a swimming competition in which she did exceptionally well, so much so that she was introduced to the Guest of Honour, who was none other than the Governor of the day, possibly Sir Robert Black who was Governor from January 1958 to March 1964 or even Sir Alexander Grantham who was Governor from 1947 to 1957. Apparently, the Governor was so impressed with her performance that she was invited to visit Government House (GH), to which she initially declined with modesty, citing that she would need to consult her parents. But a Governor wouldn’t accept a “No” easily and asked her to bring them along together with any of her siblings as necessary. I recalled that eventually we were taken by GH transport to GH one afternoon for tea, “we” comprising both our parents, Margaret and, surprisingly, me. I vaguely recalled to this day that the Governor gave me a necktie as a gift when we departed GH.

She had attended two secondary schools, Sacred Heart College and Belilios Public School, possibly in that order, but I couldn’t be sure and I didn’t know why. In any case, we ended up sitting for the School Certificate Examination in the same year, namely in 1963, implying that we stayed up late together preparing for the examinations over many trying nights, sometimes sleeping on top of the classroom desks at Mum’s School on Shaukiwan Road. I think we both passed. Mum was more concerned that Margaret did. On graduation, she promptly joined the Government Nursing School and became a Student Nurse, donning her smart red uniform and staying in rather spacious quarters to which she invited us to visit. I was preparing my matriculation examinations, meaning that we didn’t see each other too often. Later on, I went to HKU and she went to UK for training in psychiatric nursing. By the time she returned, I was already working in the Government.

She got married in 1972 and initially stayed in a flat in Quarry Bay owned by Mum and raised a family. A few years later, I too got married and moved into the flat adjacent to hers, which was also owned by Mum. For a few years from 1977 therefore, we were neighbours and our two families became rather close, until I moved out in April 1979, by which time Margaret had already two kids. She was always our ring leader and very protective of us and our children. I recall my family of four had to vacate our flats in 1984 before moving to Oxford for a year after putting away our personal effects all over the place. She put us up for one or two nights in her flat in Pokfulam, and repeated the same hospitality when we returned until we could find accommodation.

Fast forward to recent years when our parents left us, one after the other, she became our de facto clan leader to whom we would look for direction and support, particularly during major festivities. Typically, we would all spend Chinese New Year Day in her place and so on.  She had not been well, but she kept her spirit high and was ever optimistic. She got a gigantic morale boost with the arrival of her grandson a few years back, which had significantly uplifted her spirit and health conditions. She had also kept in touch with the children of her siblings, including mine, who had always described her as lovely or lovably. She had been very protective and generous with Anthony’s children in particular and would always but them toys and clothes for which their parents didn’t have the time or means. The children have all grown up, but I am sure she will always stay in their hearts and minds.

Her funeral took place on 6 December at the Holy Cross Church – she had particularly selected the place, which I think is eminently appropriate. It was a quiet and private Catholic ceremony with full Mass, organized primarily by her son, assisted by the local church community, with little to no fanfare. Anthony’s son gave a short eulogy and I did a reading. The body was cremated at Cape Collinson after Mass, followed by the usual lunch between family members and friends. It took time to organize a final resting place for her ashes, which eventually took place yesterday at the Holy Cross Cemetery in Chai Wan, once again, with no rites or ceremonies. The artisans efficiently and with efficacy deposited her ashes in the designated slot before closing it permanently and with elegancy. The spot was very close to the two occupied for both her parents, within walking distances. Her grandson placed flowers in front on behalf of everyone, after which we all departed quietly.

It would probably take time to fully appreciate the impact on the family, collectively and individually, arising from her passing. The chemistry and dynamics between the remaining siblings and the younger members would no doubt be affected; and each will have to learn to live and deal with that. She will always remain in my prayers, as will be her parents.

Su and I have been going to movies more frequently these days, particularly on Fridays, after we re-discovered the buy-one-get-one free scheme. We recently saw the latest Brigid Jones movie in which the lead heroine played by Renee Zellweger told the son or the children that their father had never left them – after he died four years before – but had simply stayed elsewhere and was ever in their hearts and minds.

As it happened, Margaret’s surviving husband hosted a small get-together at his flat in Pokfulam on the first day of the CNY. Everyone turned up and had a great time. Her legacy continues.